grief for the families suffering the unimaginable loss of their children today.

unnecessary.

they were OUT of harms way.

not crossing a busy street.

not hang gliding. parasailing. skiing.

not driving. not drinking. not drinking and driving.

not doing the things mom repeatedly warned them as they rolled their eyes.

not doing a million other things that would have them confronting danger. destruction. death.

 

in a classroom. on a monday.

 

 

had lunch with a friend yesterday. small talk and not so small. compared notes since the last time we'd been one-on-one. and i got a little saddened. promises they had made themselves not so long ago are being forgotten. the deals that we all make when faced with potentially unsurmountable odds. the stuff we say we will do differently next goround. hoping that there will BE another go and that we will be on it. easy to forget once life returns to regular programming. so easy to fall back into old habits. rhythms.

 

was it this mirrormirroronthewall experience that has me off-kilter today? assessing personal compromises i might be making? wondering if i am holding true to all the things i promised to do differently on this side of my own valley?

i think i am in love.

 

and despite all my wellhoned hypothesis and research on the matter.... i am still a 12 year old in candy shop.

because sometimes a little xpace is all you need.... here i sit and ponder what the next move is, and all i really needed was a pop quiz on the net and everything becomes clear! if all things in life were just this simple!

 

i answered 4 simple questions and then the eight ball said:

 

seeing new orleans from a rooftop perspective was tiring and....fun. yes, folks. fun. armed with timberland construction boots, fab khakis and a persimmon cord jacket (changing fields dad, not genders) fearless trainer mark took me shotgun on his sales calls today. and i think i like it. got to see new faces. stretch my atrophied geometry skills. and have a few good laughs. plus...bonus!...feel like i was providing a service. except to the humpty-dumpty shaped 88-year old retired cpa that had to reach for his oxygen after seizing to a hysterical laughing fit over his $23k estimate. on his flat-roofed $700k lakefront home. that was scary.

theres all this work to do in louisiana. contract work. with the government. the government gives ahead of the line status to women-owned businesses. dad wants to help grind stumps and clear roadways. i want the mounds of trees and trash to dissipate. so i propose a change. to his company that he owns with ken. ken is the "b" and dad is the "h" in their little b&h enterprises,inc. i would like to add my "itc" [pun on itsy], drop the ampersand and turn it into "bitch enterprises". think the woman-owned part would be noticed? or should i add pink hardhats as part of the uniform? pink trucks? yeah, pink trucks with a really pissed off looking dog as the logo. done. brilliance thrives in afternoon runs down country roads.

on the road for job hunting today. one at 9 then at 12 and then a phone call in between that made me feel more tapped into the political scene than i thought...ever. had an ah-ha moment on the causeway on the way to the 12 and called an attorney i used to work with at p&c thinking that if i want that gig with fema i best find someone that can move me to the head of the line. or at least make my head stand out while IN line. so chatting with her after the 12 and she says, well the election is 4 days a way and bob is doing nothing but sleeping in bw appearances and stomping so perhaps thats not the avenue, but no my ex-hubby, ya know the one that i hooked you up with for the allison krauss concert? (awkward date of all ADs), well he is heading up FEMAs blue team and was out in NOLA moments post-katrina. gimme 10 and then here, call him and see what he can do. awesome. so i did and he did and now i will talk with him with non-bean counter numbers on monday. did i mention life is grand.

 

oh and now need to go purchase ticket for montego bay. hold your hat on cj --- i am coming.

WOOHOO! so got the call i was waiting on and have an appointment to meet with the veep that BJ mentioned and with his veep of hr who is currently in 'bama! so glad this go-see did not turn into a dodgeball competition and i had to say i suck to bj or marilyn. quin sounded nice and was very accomodating as to my travel plans. so...we'll see. AND then i found a great listing in this area for FEMA, a new "cadre" just formed to help in long-term disaster recovery efforts. fabulous. so am not tryng to annoy the contact there into at least speaking to me. gov jobs are all politics though. so we will see. perhaps mom can write a letter to laura. has those pics on the fridge like she and w are personal friends. ha! life is good.

 

oh and christie and i might be hooking up in montega bay next week. found a ticket for under 5 so we might just get the tropical vacation together after all. did i mention that life is good.

 

i happen to be in love with an unaccessible man (refer to the pope entry) my eggs are rotting as we speak, but other than that...life is good. theres got to be a purpose in all this. or as ferris says...the meaning of life---is life. points to ponder in my belated tubtime that i am claiming now. nothing like everyone else coming in from their day to find you still in your PJs to make a person feel kin to a tree sloth.

theres no place like home. theres no place like home. i own the ruby slippers...the whole costume as a matter of fact AND one for a scarecrow should i be so inclined. i am so homesick already and have only been back at the beach for 3 days. talking to mom and dad seems to make i worse and not better so i have not even been calling home as regularly as i should. dad said the work was not as much without me---that was cool. i just want to be home. and although diane says (and its true) that my parents of course want me home but don't want me to leave my own life...i really want to be closer to them. geographically. and enjoy them like i do without the big gaps of time in between. going home again for Effie Convention at the end of the month. already panicky about what i will wear. silly i know. but nothing like your mom telling you you dress like a street walker to bring back old times! seriously. the beachy dress code is slightly different than the one at home, and i get a refresher (like a tub of ice water) every time i journey home. they are called breasts mom, we girls have 'em and boys like to see 'em. sometimes i can be an accomodating girl.

 

been researching the intricacies of the government bid process. and special treatment for "women-owned biz" in getting into contracts. have some ideas brewing. will i leap? have mom and dad and christie and paul and sylvia saying "do it!" so perhaps now that i have a partner-in-crime it will be less scary.

 

its all a tad confusing. like i should wake up and have satisfaction with my life. but i don't. theres this little bug that keeps needling me to try something new and different. and i know that even if i do this the bug wont rest. perhaps i should just call terminix.

could you call manual labor fun? driving a tractor? wielding a chain saw? sweating your arse off? if so, i had LOTS of fun today. why does wrapping a thick metal chain around a 8-inch stump then wiping the rusty residue off on your filthy jeans before climbing aboard a ford tractor and cranking the gravely motor into gear and dragging the huge oak across open pasture, sawing it into burnable chunks and heaving it onto a (outlawed) burn pile ---- give SUCH satisfaction? and why does it make cold water from a plastic jug taste better than any opus 1 you have ever swilled? seriously. intense satisfaction from a days work today. good time with dad and ferris. felt like one of the guys and like i was doing something worthwhile. competent. of course i managed it all with a great ponytail and diamond studs in my perky ears. but still...one of the guys with better accessories.

 

went to a gospel meeting in ponchatoula today and got hugs by familiar arms and smiles from familar faces. always warms my heart. simple folks with a sincere smile always ready. chelsea ran over with a picture she'd drawn for me and demanded to know where my pups were. the note said "i love you" on the back and she insisted that i must come over to visit while i was here. family is good. especially cousins. cousins with kids are so great. i need more time here. more time and less distance. i think that every time i come home. 

 

had such flashbacks sitting in the corneilles living room. time is just wild. obscenely wild.